"Can I Get A Drug Test For Jabba The Fat-Ass Pigman???"

Back in the salad days of Jim Rome's radio sports talk show, he used to have a feature where his regular callers ("affectionally" known as "Clones") would start their calls with a request for a "drug test" (thusly cueing up the sound of a toilet flushing) in tribute to whatever athlete or caller or whomever made a complete ass of him/herself at that very time. Ultimately, like most of his old schitick, Rome got bored and pulled the plug on this feature.

Not that I'm particularly a fan of drug tests anyway (and before you ask, Clones, I am not only drug-free, but also alcohol-free and tobacco-free, so I don't have anything to hide), but I'm thinking that a particular popular right-wing radio talk show host might be a prime candidate for a drug test....or two....or five. It's one thing to get caught doctor shopping for Oxycontin...but WTF is up with you on this one, Rush???

Cue the latest from the Rush Limbaugh Criminal Files (Courtesy of KTLA-TV via Americablog via Pandagon):

Rush Limbaugh Detained at Airport with Viagra

Associated Press

June 26, 2006, 8:05 PM PDT

Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription.

Customs officials found a prescription bottle labeled as Viagra in his luggage that didn't have Limbaugh's name on it, but that of two doctors, said Paul Miller, spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.

A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was "labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes," Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney, said in a statement.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection examined the 55-year-old radio commentator's luggage after his private plane landed at the airport from the Dominican Republic, said Miller.

The matter was referred to the sheriff's office, whose investigators interviewed Limbaugh. According to Miller, Limbaugh said that the Viagra was for his use, and that he obtained it from his doctors.

Investigators confiscated the drugs, which treats erectile dysfunction, and Limbaugh was released without being charged.

The sheriff's office plans to file a report with the state attorney's office. Miller said it could be a second-degree misdemeanor violation.

Limbaugh reached a deal last month with prosecutors who had accused the conservative talk-show host of illegally deceiving multiple doctors to receive overlapping painkiller prescriptions. Under the deal, the charge, commonly referred to as "doctor shopping," would be dismissed after 18 months if he continues to submit to random drug tests and treatment for his acknowledged addiction to painkillers.

(Needless to say, Keith Olbermann of the MSNBC program Countdown was the first to get all up in Rush's drawers on this latest faux pas; Crooks and Liars has the video segment here.)

Now..I'm sure that you are thinking the same as I am....WTF is a highly popular right-wing talk show host doing in the Dominican Republic with enough Viagra to create enough hardwood to refurbish the old Boston Garden?? What...is Daryn Kagan not hot enough for 'ya, Jabba???

Ahhhhh, but here's where the real rubber (which I assume Rush didn't use, he being so opposed in public to "safer sex") hits the...errrrr, road. Do a Google search using "Sex trade" and "Dominican Republic" and you will find at the top of the list this article from Wired.com:

The Web, Where 'Pimps' Roam Free

By Julia Scheeres Julia Scheeres Also by this reporter
2001-07-07 03:00:00.0

PUERTO PLATA, Dominican Republic -- A slow tourist season has hurt the T-shirt and coconut milk vendors in this scenic beach town, but it hasn't put a dent in the body business.

Evidence of the sex trade is everywhere as men in shorts and sandals duck into rent-by-the-hour "love motels" with Dominican women in bright dresses.


"There is always a demand for sex," said one Dominican prostitute as she lounged at one of the town's waterfront bars. "Men will always pay for it, especially in here ... where they can get anything they want at a discount."

Indeed, the Dominican Republic is one of the biggest sex tourism destinations in the world, thanks in part to Internet sites that extol the country as a "single man's paradise."

When Christopher Columbus sailed into the bay here in 1493, the sun's reflection on the ocean made the water dazzle like silver coins, so he called it Port Silver. Nowadays, Puerto Plata still dazzles millions of vacationers looking for turquoise reefs and palm-strewn white sand beaches.

But this sunny vacation mecca has a dark side: The area's thriving commercial sex industry has given it one of the highest HIV rates of any region in the country, according to the World Bank.

[...]

(See also this Wikipedia entry on "sex tourism".)

So, to update this so far: Apparantly, El Rushbo the Oxycontin Addict got a bit too horny this past weekend, and decided to blow off some steam with a weekend red-eye (via his private jet) to Hispaniola to get his rocks off...and to further enhance the experience, got his docs to string up a "prescription" of Viagra to get him through the weekend.

Problem is, the docs forgot to put his name on the freakin' bottle (apparantly for "privacy reasons", according to Rush's lawyer, Roy Black); and when he returned to Palm Beach after his adventure, he ran afoul of the US Customs Service, which discovered the prescripts during their normal search of individuals on return flights.

Uhhhhh...OOPS. That would be, if one of us regular folks...and did that, a Class 2 misdemeanor crime, subjected to fines and some jail time; not to mention a violation of the agreement that Limbaugh originally reached on the Oxy "doctor shopping" charges earlier.

Then again, Rushbo's not regular folk; and he'll probably find some way to beat this rap as well.

And you would think that his prime audience of Dittoheads would not be so thrilled with the hypocrisy of him taking his sex tour roadies while lecturing the rest of us about the absolutness of abstinence and sexual "modesty". You would think that..but from some of the responses of one particular Freeper site (freerepublic.com), you's be wrong: (from Pandagon, again):

Actual Freeper Quotes™

"No harrassment here! I wonder how many hollywood types get treated like this! Sue the pants off ‘em Rush!"

"This was leaked so that the MSM could ‘leak’ the fact that Limbaugh uses Viagra, and thus mock him for it. I would suspect that it will be hard for them to do so when he owns the CBS affiliate in Miami, as I suspect he soon will"

"[...] you can bet Rush is on a special watch list because of what he has gone thru. He most likely has been advised by his lawyer that he will be a target for searches and he probably had a letter from the doctor explaining why the meds were labled differntly. Someone leaked the story to embarass him. It’s no big deal to me but it will be a big deal to those who will ridicule for it. So what…it won’t cause people to not listen to him and if anything, it might cause people to have more sympathy for him as it shows the left will stoop to any level to destory a person."

"The libs cannot hide from the truth, so they harass those that expose their criminal, lying, cheating, Godless ways. Give ‘em Hell Rush!!!"

"To win the War On Drugs, some eggs must be broken."

"The sleazoid lib war on Limbaugh continues. Can you imagine the thermonuclear ‘privacy’ uproar if this kind of leaking of personal, confidential medical info was inflicted upon a liberal, say Pinch Sulzberger???? I’d guess that ol’ Pinch needs lots of viagra with his boy-toys, but if any CUSTOMS official ever leaked that info to the media we’d have a frickin’ constitutional crisis on our hands. The hypocrisy and double-standards of the libs never ceases to amaze me, even if it no longer surprises me."

(Pinch Sulzburger, incidentally, happens to be the owner of the New York Times; whom most Freepers would love to roast (literally) as the typical "left-wing elitist" who sells his country down the river for cheap thrills.)

Uhhhh, dewd in the last sentence...if the docs had simply placed Rush's name on the prescription, then he would have gotten off free and clear...but last time I checked, it was still illegal to possess non-OTC drugs without a prescription. (I believe that the charge is called "possession with intent to distribute"???) But I guess those laws should only apply to "liberals", shouldn't they??

Either way, I'm sure that Jabba's blowing it away (no pun) right now on the mike, as I type this; dismissing the brohaha as just another liberal/Left stunt to divert attention from the great appeasers and sellouts and traitorous Democrats who want to "cut and run" from total victory in Iraq, among other sins.

Right-wing sex freakery.....just like left-wing sex freakery, but more....you know, right-wing. Gotta love 'em.